One can debate whether, as Shakespeare suggested, all the world's a stage. But it's indisputable that when an attractive stranger asks you (usually in the first five minutes), "And what do you do?" he or she is auditioning you for possible friendship. How you answer this question can make a big
difference in what role your Quarry will cast you in. Will you be a star or just a bit player in his life?
Page 72
Are you prepared? Actors prepare audition monologues. Singers prepare audition songs. Just as experienced performers know that one song or monologue is not right for every audition, one standard answer to "What do you do?" is not right for all Quarry. You must first size up this attractive stranger before answering, then give what I call your Nutshell Resume.
If you want this new person to fall in love with you, you must consider three factors before answering this question:
1. You want to sound like the type of man or woman he or she could love.
2. You want to sound confident and enthusiastic about your life.
3. You want your answer to have a hook so your Quarry will keep talking to you.
Number 1: "I'm the Type of Man or Woman You Could Love."
Granted, when you first meet an attractive stranger, you know very little about him or her. But try to make your vocation or avocation in life fit what you suspect is appropriate to his or her Lovemap.
For example, perhaps you sense your new Quarry wants a lover of high professional status. Make your job sound as important as possible.
Perhaps your new PLP exudes libertarian qualities. Highlight the freedom aspect of your work. He or she is a workaholic? Underscore your dedication to your job and talk about how many hours you, too, put in.
When you grasp what type of Quarry you have in your trap, feed her the lines you think she'd like to hear about your work.
Number 2: "I Love My Job."
Everyone is drawn to confident, enthusiastic people. Women especially want a man to be confident in himself.
Page 73
Once I was writing an article for a men's magazine on what qualities women look for in a man.
Instead of turning to psychotherapists and studies, I simply asked all my girlfriends, "What qualities do you most look for in a man?" Their answer? Overwhelmingly, the big turn-on was confidence. "I like a man to be confident," one of my girlfriends said. "He can be a turkey—but if he's a confident turkey, it's OK."
Men, too, like a confident woman. Often, after my buddy Phil has a date, I'll ask, "How was it? Did you like her?" Phil, the typical alingual male when discussing relationships, usually just mutters, "Oh, it was OK."
"Did you like her, Phil?"
"Well, sure, but I probably won't see her again."
"Why not?"
"Well, she just didn't seem to have her life together."
In other words, she didn't have a clear and confident sense of direction about her life. Men often make that complaint about particular women.
The next time an attractive stranger turns to you and asks, "And what do you do?" make sure your answer exudes joy and confidence about your nine-to-five life.
Number 3: "Let's Keep Talking."
Say you've just met the possible love of your life. You've just said, "I'm a secretary," "I'm an attorney," or "I'm a nuclear physicist."
Well, that's nice. Now what does he say? Your one-word answer to "What do you do?" will probably leave him tongue-tied. What do you ask a nuclear physicist? "Uh, gee, what have you nuked lately?"
Never just say the name of your job and let your Quarry conversationally sink. Throw him some introductory bait he can nibble on so the conversation doesn't die of starvation.
You're a lawyer? Instead of just saying "I'm an attorney," expand on it. Say, for example, "I'm an attorney. Our firm specializes in employment law. In fact, now I'm involved in a case
Page 74
where a woman was actually discharged for becoming pregnant and taking some time off work."
Now you've given your catch some conversational bait. If you don't, he may swim quickly away in search of people to talk to where he feels more clever.
Sooner or later another question that Attractive Stranger will ask you is "Where are you from?" Do more than just drop a one-word piece of geography in his lap. Prepare an interesting little hook about your hometown.
For example, I'm originally from Washington, D.C. When asked, I tell people that, when I was growing up, there were seven women to every man because of the influx of female government workers. (A good reason to get out, right?) With a more artistic Quarry, I tell him Washington was designed by the same city planner who designed Paris. That increases the conversational options from just Washington to city planning to Paris. The more you throw out, the better conversational hit rate you get with your new Quarry.
TECHNIQUE #14:
NUTSHELL RESUME
Whatever you do in life, wherever you go, don't blow what could be the biggest audition of your life—someone asking, "And what do you do?"
Prepare an answer that fits your Quarry's Lovemap, is upbeat and confident, and casts some tasty bait to keep the conversation going.
Page 75